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-A.D.

Posted on by Ellice Sanchez

-A.D.

“It has been nearly two months since I made the decision to start TMS treatment at Tranquility and I recently took a moment to look back at some journal entries from around that same time.  Reviewing them certainly reminds me of those endless hours, but the emotions are so far away from what I feel today, that I hardly recognize my own writing.  The words are of a woman who was desperate, confused, hopeless and unable to see anything past sadness and guilt and fear.   My heart goes out to her, because I know that she did not expect to live for another year.  She could see darkness taking over and knew that she no longer had the strength or the will to do anything but succumb.

At the same time, I also know I wanted to get better.  I was so hopeful and impatient for results from treatment.  After twenty sessions, yes I began to see a change.  Was it overnight?  Probably not, but I clearly remember waking up one day and feeling not sad.  I wanted to spend time with my family, get out of my bedroom and be alive.  I was excited about doing things, even hard things, and found myself asking, “What am I going to do with all that time I spent being miserable??”

Today I have just three sessions left.   To say that I have had success just does not begin to describe my experience.  Depression and anxiety are so different from other illnesses.  So to measure how one’s life can change from remission is nearly impossible.  It changes everything, especially the lives of the people around you.  I may feel better now than I ever have in my adult life, even if that is just the “normal” mood for people who do not suffer from mental disease.  It is hard to describe because when you are at your lowest, your mind cannot imagine what normal feels like.  It’s like when someone asks you to imagine a trillion of something.   The image just isn’t there.

So!  This letter is to say thank you.  Thank you for saving me and thank you for giving me back my children and my career and my friends.  I cry happy tears now.  Someone once told me in my job that I was “doing God’s work” and I thought, wow,  what higher compliment is there than that?   I wish to say to each of you now, you are truly doing God’s work.  You will be blessed!

With love and appreciation,”

About Ellice Sanchez

Ellice is a graphic and web designer with 6 years experience working for commercial and federal contracts as a contractor, in-house designer and freelancer. View all posts by Ellice Sanchez →

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